MAKING GIRL FRIENDS

Be a conversationalist. Don't use “canned material”, “nuclear attraction” routines, or other social robotics. The best way to make a connection with someone is to come from the heart and live fully in the moment. What you say isn't nearly as important as how you say it. Socializing is about exchanging energy, not being a wordsmith.^[1] When in doubt, just say “Hi”.

In unconventional strategies, in order to connect with a girl, you have to "dis-connect" with her first. This is actually making the girl take sudden notice of you and making her connect with you instead!

Make her laugh. Girls love guys who have a good sense of humor, and the key to having a good sense of humor is to be lighthearted, and unabashedly yourself. As long as you're not making fun of people in a mean-spirited way, anything goes. Is your sense of humor perverted? Slapstick? Sarcastic? Go with anything, as long as you don't try so hard that it becomes fake.

Don't worry about whether or not she thinks you're funny because you know what? If she can't laugh with you, then this isn't a girl you want to spend a lot of time with anyway. And who knows? Maybe another girl—one whom you hadn't noticed before—will be laughing so hard that her soda comes out of her nose, and maybe you've just found your soulmate.

Flirt. Keep all your friendships slightly flirty to avoid falling into the friend zone. This doesn't mean that you want to try and get with all of your girl friends, but being a little flirty will help them remember that you're a guy, not just another good friend. Even if they're not interested in you, they may be more likely to set you up with a friend.

Break the touch barrier. Take a few little "touch risks". Be playful without being creepy. Grab their elbow or out your hand on the small of their back to guide them through a crowd, grab their upper arm and laugh if they say something funny, etc. If they don't like it, they'll definitely let you know. Touching someone communicates to them that you find them attractive, and also that you're reasonably confident. Both of these things can make someone feel more attracted to you.

 Close the deal. If you like the woman you're talking to, be the one who ends the conversation. This prevents the conversation from lingering into an awkward silence, shows that you're busy (i.e. not needy or desperate), and allows you to end the conversation on a positive note. When you end the conversation, simply say "Hey, I've gotta go, but it's been really good talking to you. Want to continue this over a cup of coffee sometime?" If she says yes, get her phone number and move on. If she says no, just move on. She's not the only girl that will cross your path.

Be assertive. Most women like men to take the initiative, at least at the beginning of the dating period. When you phone her to set a date, have in mind at least two attractive options to offer. Don't contact her and ask her what she wants to do without proposing an alternative yourself, or she will most likely think that you are lazy or not putting enough interest.

For example, if you talk to her and the topic of your date comes up, say something like: "Well, I had thought we could go to this new amazing restaurant downtown... And I have also been wanting to go to the new bowling center in the mall... Did you have anything in mind?" If she likes one of your options, she will tell you, and if she doesn't, she will propose something else and you will have demonstrated your assertiveness. If she says she doesn't care, just choose out of the two.

Go on a date. Once you have met a girl that you feel you truly connect with, you need her to like you. If you've done the above correctly, she's probably already interested, so now you just need to seal the deal. Invite her out for a date or a cup of coffee. Offer to pick her up, walk her there, or take the bus together. Not only is this polite, but it will give the two of you more time to talk during the course of the night.

Don't ask her out over chat or text. Give her a call or ask her in person. Though a small gesture, it means a lot to a girl and shows her that you're not just looking for a quick hookup.

Offer to pay. Go to this date expecting to pay. Again, this shows manners, and it lets the girl know that you're not cheap. She'll probably protest out of politeness, but unless she's really sincere, insist.

Imagine a job interview. There is a big difference between the guy who immediately rolls over on his back and begs for a job and the guy who knows he's got as much to offer the company as the company has to offer him. When you're with a girl, don't act like you're interviewing to be her boyfriend. Imagine instead that you're interviewing her to be your girlfriend. Putting yourself in the power position will not only make you more attractive to the girl, but it will keep you from choosing the wrong girl just because she'll get with you.

Keep her hooked. After the date, don't text or call right away. Some guys set a general rule of waiting for 48 hours before calling a girl back. You don't have to give yourself a set time limit, but you do need to avoid looking desperate. Don't call or text her right after the date—give it at least a night.

Be the one to end the conversation. Whether you're texting or calling, when you feel like the conversation is drawing to a close, make sure you're the one to end it. This will make you seem busier and will always leave her wanting more.

There is nothing wrong with initiating the text/chat/call in the beginning. It's actually showing that you're interested and serious and not looking to play games. Be laid back and relaxed about it. If she sees you're serious about her, she'll take initiative that will surprise her. If she doesn't, she's not that into you.

Wait a few minutes to reply to texts. Replying the instant she texts you will make it look like you're just sitting around waiting to hear from her. Wait 5 to 20 minutes before replying to most texts. Note that you shouldn't wait too long, or the conversation may get lost.

Initiate the second date. If you still feel a good vibe a week or so after the first date, consider asking her out again. Consider making it slightly more romantic than the first—go out to dinner rather than coffee or hang out just the two of you instead of with a group of friends.

Kiss her! If the mood is right and you haven't already, take this opportunity to give her a kiss goodnight. Look for the signs that she wants a kiss. If this is your first kiss with the girl, leave it at that, even if she invites you in. Just reply "Not tonight, but next time!" This will show her you want something more meaningful than just a hookup while conveying that you are still interested.

Repeat. Each relationship evolves differently. Sometimes, you'll have to initiate all of the dates until the two of you are officially a couple. Sometimes, she'll initiate. If the former, do your best to read her signals while you're together, as well as the ones over text to gauge if she's uninterested or if she's just shy.

Gauge signals in person. If she responds well to your flirting, laughs at your jokes, and seems comfortable around you, she's probably interested. On the other hand, if she sits away from you with her arms crossed or if she refuses to look you in the eye, she's probably not. Try grabbing her hand when you're walking or putting your hand just above her knee during a movie or during dinner. If she pulls away or seems uncomfortable, she probably hasn't warmed up to you just yet.

Gauge signals over text. If you feel like you're always stretching to keep a text conversation going or she always replies with short answers such as "great." "okay." "yeah." etc., you can assume that she's probably not interested. She likely knows these answers don't lend their way to a meaningful conversation, and is just trying to be polite by responding without giving you the wrong idea. However, in person signals are always easier to rely on. If you're getting mixed signals, go with the in-person ones over the signals you get over text. In a dire situation, talk to mutual friends to help you better understand her behavior.

 Ask her to be your girlfriend. Once you are pretty sure that there's strong mutual attraction, ask her to be your girlfriend. You can do this in a big, creative way or simply ask her in person. Be sure to never ask this over text or chat (even just over the phone is questionable). Don't change your Facebook relationship status or refer to her as your girlfriend until she responds!

Be patient. Life doesn't normally work on the schedule you envision. Your future girlfriend might cross your path tomorrow or two years from now. A healthy relationship will color your world no matter how old you are, so don't rush into things, or else you might end up forcing the wrong person into the girlfriend role, which will cause pain for everyone involved.

Tips

Have your own life. Girls don't like guys who have no lives, and who cling to them like plastic wrap. Some girls do like that, but for all the wrong reasons—either they are insecure and needy for attention, or they're control freaks who have a need for dominating guys. Unless you want to sign up for either of those scenarios, make sure your life has no shortage of your own friendships, interest, hobbies and goals.

Extended, direct eye contact is something lovers usually do. It's something you can do if the person you're talking to is noticeably romantically interested, but even then it's risky because the creep factor is high if you're mistaken. Look someone in the eye while they're talking, but also be sure to pull your gaze away periodically and shift your interest to other things. And check to make sure you don't have a tendency of staring at someone's body (chest, hands, shoes, whatever) even if in admiration or curiosity. In general, you don't want to make someone feel like they're under a microscope.

Learn to read body language. Whether you notice or not, people are always giving signal as to how they feel about you. If you're able to read these signals, you'll be able to adapt your words and behavior so that you can do more of what a girl likes, or stop wasting time with girls who don't like anything you're saying or doing.

One of the best ways to find out how you can get a girlfriend is to discover why you don't have one right now! Take a look inside yourself and see what things you can improve and what things you are doing well already.

Whenever you're in a setting where there are girls around, talk to all of them and choose one you'd like to spend more time with. Make it a habit to try and exchange contact information with at least one girl every time you're around them. If she isn't interested, no big deal, there's always next time. If you go on a few dates and it doesn't turn into a relationship, that's no big deal either. The point is the more you date, the higher your chances of getting a girlfriend.

If you are shy it helps when you have one of your best friends with you to encourage you.

One thing that holds many guys back is being scared that she'll misinterpret you. For example, you might not want to help her carry something because you're worried she'll think you're a macho guy, and you're implying that she can't carry it herself. But push the fear aside and think about what you're really doing. You're just helping her because you genuinely want to, and what could possibly be wrong with that? If you're not trying to question her ability in any way, then she's not a very nice girl for assuming that you are, is she? So be bold. If what you're doing comes from the heart, a decent girl will see that.

Be positive. If you have had a bad day, still greet them with pleasure and a big smile. Don't spend your time with a girl complaining about the traffic, your boss, or your job. If you must whine, whine a little and end that very short whine with a "glad I'm here with you now!" remark.

Don't talk about past relationships. This is a no-no and a sure turn-off. You will only project the impression that you are unable to let go. If a girl asks about your last relationship, just tell them that you realized the two of you weren't as compatible as you initially thought, so you have moved on to look for someone with whom to discover greater mutual happiness. Keep it brief and don't ask about their ex.

Don't use cheesy pick up lines. Girls like genuine guys, not ones that have their words scripted off the internet.

It's worth repeating that you should not go on and on about unique hobbies or interests unless the person shares them or asks a lot of questions. If they only ask a few questions, that doesn't necessarily mean they're interested; it probably means they're being polite, so don't dominate the conversation with your enthusiasm. When first meeting someone, it's more important to listen to what they have to say than to talk about yourself.